Title: “I Have a Secret Lover!”

Author: Batgirl

Rating: MA

Disclaimer: All characters are property of DC Comics—Blah, blah—I don’t own these guys, just gunna borrow them! And Jerry Springer and all other related themes belong to the MAIN man himself *grins and chants* Jerry, Jerry!! SUCH geniuses!

Note: To all of those who’ve read my “Jerry Springer” fic—heh—THIS is the sequel! Been getting too many requests for this so… HERE ya go! And as most know my writing style, I like to stay within the walls of the animated series, thanks!

Summary: A certain bunch of Superheroes go to Jerry hoping to get their problems SOLVED! But—of course, we all know THAT won’t be true!

****

[Swing camera crew through the backdoor of the studio, pan down the hall and into the Green Room]

Superman: *folds arms and just looks back to the camera before looking at the small group* I can’t believe we’re BACK here again.

Supergirl: *floating in the air* What are you talking about?? I’ve never BEEN here before. *sees the camera and waves*

Superman: Maybe YOU haven’t—

Supergirl: *Smirks* ALWAYS wanted to be on this show—Heh... wonder if there’s gunna be any fights—like those REAL fights where people start pullin’ out someone’s WEAVE and the KICKING and the—

Batgirl: *looks over shoulder to her* You never know until the curtains go up.

Stage Manager: *walks passed with a clipboard in his hands* Okay you guys.. Lets get the first couple up and on stage—we start in FIVE-- *walks off!*

[Shortcut to Jerry Springer sign and then pan camera across the chanting audience]

Audience: *chants* Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!!

[Focus camera on Jerry Springer standing in center stage, making his way down the stairs]

Jerry: Hello everyone! Welcome . Today’s show focuses on a certain bunch of couples. Couples actually wanting to COME out and tell their former mates that *dramatic pause* THEY have a secret lover!

Audience: *is trying to ACT surprised!* Oooooooo!

Jerry: Please meet, Superman-- *raises an eyebrow, not sure he read that right* Super-- *sees him sitting on one of the chairs* Well—isn’t THIS a surprise?? Uhh—how’s everything going, Superman?

Superman: *is looking out over the audience and then looks back to him, smiles* Just fine, and with YOU?

Jerry: Pretty good! *reads his card over* It says HERE that well not EVERYTHING’S fine in YOUR case... you mind telling us what’s going on???

Superman: Well… I’ve… been secretly seeing someone else…. Behind my.. *coughs slightly* … a FRIEND’s back.

Jerry: And would you call this friend your “girlfriend”?

Superman: Sorta… but *thinks about that situation trying NOT to give any HINTS to his identity* Um—

Jerry: She IS your GIRLfriend isn’t she?

Superman: She’s.. a GIRL and she’s a FRIEND, yes. But she isn’t—

Jerry: *getting fed up, looks at the coordinator who’s pointing at their watch* Well—then that’s it! She’s the person you’re DATING, pretty much??

Superman: *still trying to figure THAT out!*

Jerry: OKAY then!! Let’s bring out your Girl-Friend then! *looks at his cards again* Please.. everyone welcome LOIS to the show!

Lois: *walks out with looking back to Superman and smiles weakly* Hel—hello Superman.

Superman: *smiles to her*

Jerry: *watches the two engage for a moment* Well—how about I have YOU tell her what’s going on.

Lois: *getting suspicious* Something’s….going ON!?? Am I missing a STORY that could—

Superman: *shoots his chair closer and sets his hands on her shoulders to calm her* No.. there.. ISN’T a story.

Jerry: *under breath* Well maybe AFTER the show’s over—

Audience: *laughs!*

Superman: *takes her hands, trying to do this as GENTLY as he can* Lois—You’ve been a great… *thinks* “girl-friend”, we’ve had LOTS of wonderful TIMES and flights together but, *bluntly* I’ve.. be seeing someone ELSE.

Lois: *eyes wide, stands getting kinda PISSED!* You’ve been WHAT!???!

Audience: *is getting ALL rivaled up over this!* OOOOh hooo!!?

Superman: *stands with her* Well.. I’ve been—

Lois: *slaps him DEAD in the jaw!* You—PIG! You mutha *bleep!* idiot!

Superman: *didn’t really FEEL that, holds his cheek for effect* Actually.. I’m Kryptonian.

Lois: *looks at him, growls* You think you’re FUNNY don’t you!? *tries to go after him again!*

Steve: *comes up to restrain Lois*

Superman: *to Steve* That’s.. not really necessary.. not like it’s gong to—

Lois: *breaks free for a moment and KICKS Superman in his MAN muscle!*

Audience: *gasps!* OOOH—JERRY, JERRY!!

Jerry: Well we can tell ONE of them has the Tai-bo videos.

Lois: *hisses* BRING out that bitch—I wanna SEE who this *bleep!* is!!!

Jerry: *adjusts his glasses, waves off* All right—let’s bring out Superman’s “secret lover!”

Supergirl: *glides out on stage, looking around at ALL the cameras, totally amazed!* Hello—

Lois: LET ME GO!! *throws her hands up, trying to get Steve to ease off* Ohmi—

Superman: *glides over to Supergirl and smiles*

Audience: *is SOOO going crazy!!* JERRY, JERRY!

Supergirl: *grins, HUGS Supes!* WOW—is this REALLY the Jerry Springer show???!?!

Superman: *nods to her taking her hand and glides over to the set of chairs*

Lois: *outraged!* This—this just can NOT be right!!

Jerry: *SOOO confused at this point* Well—forget about “Secret Lovers” *shakes his head* “I Slept with my Un-Earthly cousin!”

Supergirl: *giggles and just kinda SITS in Supe’s arms and kisses him MADLY, using tongue and ALL!!*

Audience: *getting WILD over this, applauds!!* WAHOO!!

Lois: *is SOO totally in shocked, goes up to the both of them CALMLY, gunna break UP the kiss, YANKS Supergirl’s hair and bitch slaps her!* You *bleep!*

Supergirl: *caught off guard, STILL hanging on to Supes and BACKHANDS the woman! Getting out of Superman’s arms* Don’t you EVER—PULL my HIAR-- *tries to fix it franticly* If you HAVEN’T noticed *OUR* hair is MUCH harder—brushed BREAK daily from just BRUSHING it! *REALLY ticked off about the hair* And SEEING this IS the show- the Jerry Springer Show—

Lois: *holds her head and tries to get up*

Superman: *goes over and tries to help her up, under breath* KARA—don’t EVEN try—

Supergirl: *makes her eyes FLARE red, to Lois* You PIECE of *bleep!* How dare you *bleep!* up my hair!!

Lois: *growls* You think you’re SMART knowin’ all those WORDS, don’t You Super-Snot!?

Supergirl: *uses her lazer vision to make her ‘dance’* That’s NOT what you thought—

Superman: *scolds* SUPERGIRL!

Audience: *tauntingly* OOOOOOOO!!!!

Supergirl: *smiles sheepishly* Sorry Kal... I… didn’t MEAN to—

Superman: *glides over and kisses her forehead* It’s alright.. *whispers* Just make sure you DON’T hit her

Supergirl: But.. isn’t THAT what Jerry Springer’s all about?? The FIGHTING and the trash talkin’ *innocently* I’ve DONE my homework—

Lois: *HAD jumped back, getting REALLY pissed at that* I can’t-- *sees Superman* I.. CAN’T believe you’re supporting HER!!

Superman: *looks over to her and then to Supergirl* WHY wouldn’t I support her??? She—she IS my COUSIN after all. *takes Supergirl’s chin and kisses her DEEPLY*

Lois: *waves her hand at them, goes to sit down, fed up!*

Jerry: *watches Superman and Supergirl, to the camera* And WE’LL be right back!!

Audience: *applauds, chanting* Jerry, Jerry!!!

[Pan camera back to Superman and Supergirl, fade to commercial]

***

[Pan camera across the cheering audience and slowly come to focus on Jerry who’s walking down a narrow isle within the audience]

Jerry: *smiles* Hello, and WELCOME back. If you’re JUST joining us for the first time today, today we’re talking about Certain couples who have a SECRET to let loose… to tell them that THEY have a secret lover in their lives. And they are HERE today, to come clean to their mates. Please meet Tempest.

[Shoot camera to the stage and focus in on Tempest]

Jerry: He’s here to.. get SOMEthing off his chest. *smirks* Hello.. Tempest, welcome.. to the show.

Tempest: *smiles* Thanks for having me here, Jerry.

Jerry: *questionably* So.. Tempest… how’s everything going?

Tempest: *smirks* well.. things have been.. PRETTY good.

Jerry: *skeptical* Uhh huh…

Audience: *SOO doesn’t believe it either and starts snickering*

Tempest: Well.. things HAVE been great! I mean—

Jerry: It.. umm.. SAYS here you’ve been... *raises eyebrow* ... cheating on your WIFE?

Audience: *Boos!!*

Tempest: *flips ‘em ALL off as the censors FRANTICALLY go and put a box in front of his finger* Oh F*ck you!! She’s getting’ on my NERVES!

Audience: *Boos some more!*

Tempest: *waves them off* Awww, *bleep* you ALL! You don’t even KNOW—

Jerry: *takes a breath* Yeeeah.. so um.. HOW about we bring out your wife?? Here she IS—DOLPHIN!!

Dolphin: *comes out on stage as the audience applauds her and goes to sit down, kissed Tempest* Hi sweetie. *smiles to Jerry* Hell--hello Jerry.

Jerry: *smiles to her and steps back casual* Hello Dolphin. *to Garth* Well.. she’s HERE.. you.. going to tell her?

Dolphin: *curious* Tell me what?

Tempest: *just comes RIGHT out!* I’ve.. been.. *smiles and kisses her hand gently* I’ve umm.. been cheating on you.

Dolphin: *furious hearing those words and yanks her hand from him* You’ve been WHAT!!?? *stands up* OOOH no you haven’t!?

Tempest: *smirks* WHERE do you think I’ve been GOING these past eight weeks!!?

Audience: *scolds Garth* OOOOOOOO!!

Tempest: *flips them off behind his back and another box comes up to blot it out*

Dolphin: *stands* OHMIG--- *looks him over* What about our LOVE that we had-- *wipes her eyes, sniffs* I—I though you LOVED me!!?

Audience: AWWW!

Tempest: *walks over* I do.. I DO honey!

Dolphin: *pushes him away* Get the *bleep* away from me.

Tempest: But—

Jerry: *looks at the coordinator* OOOHKAY—and lets bring HER out—

Dolphin: *hisses* You DO that Jerry!!

Jerry: HERE she is—BATGIRL!

Batgirl: *walks out on stage actually LIKING the fame and cameras and waves* HELLO! *smiles and walks out a bit more*

Audience: *applauds and whistles!*

Batgirl: *grins* Aww, you’re TOO kind!!

Dolphin: *throws her SHOE at Batgirl*

Batgirl: *HAS been watching the woman out of the corner of her eye, ducks with a bow, to Dolphin as she comes up* THAT was weak-- *does a forward handspring into Tempest’s arms and kisses him* And HELLO to you!

Tempest: *grins*

Audience: *is going WILD at this point!*

Dolphin: *hisses* You BITCH—stealin’ away MY husband away like that—

Batgirl: *nuzzles Tempest* Awww.. go jump off a c—a SEA cliff!

Dolphin: *REALLY pissed at THAT comment, goes RIGHT after her*

Steve: *springs into action and holds her back* HEY—

Dolphin: LET me go!!

Steve: CAN’T do that until YOU calm down..

Dolphin: *growls and motions towards Batgirl* And HOW come YOUR not restraining HER!!??

Steve: SHE isn’t DOING anything.

Jerry: *wipes his brow over all of this, jokingly* “The Young and the Restless”???

Audience: *chuckles*

Dolphin: *takes a breath as Steve lets up* OKAY—I’m-- *growls and charges for Tempest and Batgirl*

Batgirl: *kisses Tempest gently, sees Dolphin and jumps from his arms and throws a batarang at her*

Dolphin: *gets hit!*

Steve: HEEY—I thought I said NO weapons!!

Batgirl: *crouches low in a defense pose, smirks to Steve* Guess I forgot to take it out of my utility belt—

Jerry: *groans* And I bet ALL of you are thinking ‘What kind of TOYS do you HAVE in that, belt!?”

Audience: *whistles!!*

Dolphin: *LUNGES for her, maneuvering around Steve* You *beep*ing *bleep!*

Batgirl: *throws a bolo to tie to woman up, watching as she falls onto the stage with a THUD* Now, now.. WATCH the language-- *grins and places her hands on her hips* You ARE on national television after all..

Steve: *goes after Batgirl, cause she’s GOT the weapons!*

Batgirl: *notices him and goes an arial back flip to avoid him and throws some knock out pellets HIS way!*

Steve: *gets hit and starts coughing, immediately goes down*

Tempest: *watches* Gave him NO chance, hon.

Batgirl: *smirks, turns* Ehh—no I can’t be “contained”—Not like I was gunna HARM anyone…

Tempest: *kisses her* NICE…

Jerry: *looks at his cards* OOH!! But wait—there’s ANOTHER guest-- *spicing things up!* It appears that YOU.. Batgirl. Haven’t been ALL that faithful to TEMPEST.. now HAVE you???

Audience: *accusingly* Oooooooo!!

Batgirl: *smiles sheepishly* Well.. um..

Tempest: *pulls away from her, confused* Batsy—WHAT is he talkin’ about??

Batgirl: *shuffles her foot around* Well... it’s just like... mmm... he’s SAYING.

Tempest: *raises an eyebrow* You’re.. CHEATING on me?!???

Jerry: lets BRIIING him out!!

Flash: *zips out! And kisses Batgirl, taking his TIME so the audience can GAWK, makes sure the camera can pick up on that TONUGE thing!* MM.. BABY!!

Batgirl: *blushes, looking into his eyes* Awww.. My sweetie-- *strokes his cheek*

Jerry: *amazed!* THE—The.. FLASH!?

Flash: *salutes and runs up to Jerry and shakes his hand* IN the flesh! *grins* It’sSOOOOOnicetomeetyou,IwatchyourshowALLLLthetimeandLOVEit!!

Jerry: *can’t help but smile* Umm.. Thank you?

Flash: *grins and zips over to Batgirl and hefts her into his arms*

Tempest: *can’t believe this!* YOU--.. My.. TEAM-MATE!?

Jerry: You.. KNOW this guy?

Tempest: *nods!* Of COURSE I do—He’s my team-mate-- *turns to the audience* You know—The TITANS!??

Flash: *grins and kisses Batgirl again, to Garth* YES, now!

Jerry: WHOA—CLOSE friend?

Tempest: VERY close. *goes to shoot an ICE beam at them both*

Flash: *gets out of the way and watches as the beam freezes the opposing camera* Now—WHAT are you doin’ goin’ and wreckin’ Jerry’s BEEEEUTIFUL stage!?

Tempest: *growls* SHUT up!! *to Batgirl* How COULD you!?

Batgirl: *smiles* Don’t get my wrong, sweetie… You’re EYES were just *sighs* but HOW can I say “NO” to my FAVORITE hero, hmm? *looks back to Flash and kisses him deeply* He.. SO adorable.. an’ sweet—

Jerry: Isn’t that what you said about Tempest?

Batgirl: *nods* Yes... and believe ME... he IS. But—LOOK at HIM *gestures to Flash* Now.. when you got THIS much spandex and THIS bod-- *grins and wraps her arms around his neck* MY hero!

Tempest: *runs his temples* OOOOH brother!

Flash: OOOH YES!! *grins and kisses her again!*

Superman: *comes gliding out on stage* WAIT!!

Flash and Batgirl: *turns* Huh!?

Supergirl: *comes gliding out* HEEY—what’s the *grins and sees Batgirl, waves!* Hi, Batgirl!

Batgirl: *smiles and waves* Hey yourself!

Superman: *to Supergirl* There’s.. on something I need to tell you

Supergirl: *glides into his arms* What’s that?

Lois: *comes out* He’s dumping YOU!

Supergirl: *frowns* You—you ARE!?

Superman: *shakes his head* No... of COURSE not *looks over to Batgirl and sets Supergirl down before going over and KISSING her!*

Supergirl: *eyes wide* OHMI—NOO WAY!

Flash: *is JUST as confused*

Audience: *is CUSSING and screaming at this point!*

Flash: *looks down to Batgirl* But—I thought I was your number one man!?

Batgirl: *grins* You ARE sweetie.. *hugs him, whispers so only HE can hear* But if you haven’t noticed when Supes KISSED me, I showed NO interest.

Flash: *grins at THAT*

Jerry: OOOHKAY then—

Superman: *floats into the air* Well..

Supergirl: *laughs, sarcastically* DON’T Tell me you’re GAY!!??

Jerry: *shakes his head* And there’s MORE surprises?!?

Superman: *nods slightly*

Jerry: Well.. COME on OUT surprises!!

[Focus camera on stage entrance as Nightwing and Wonder Woman come on stage]

Audience: *WOULD be havin’ a shot of tequila if it was LEGAL to drink in the PUBLIC on television!*

Wonder Woman: *glides over and kinda CLINGS to Superman* Hello Kal.. MISS me??

Nightwing: *slyly* Or… ME??? *traces his S with his finger* Only been ONE night and I.. heh *grins* Well I all READY miss your company

Supergirl, Batgirl, Flash and Lois: OHMIGWAD!!

Superman: *grins and LICKS his finger, to ALL of America* BOOYWAAH! Heh—and HERE you thought SUPERMAN was just another GOODY- two shoes!?? Well *smirks and kisses Wonder Woman* You’re WRONG *over shoulder* And if you’re WONDERING.. two t’ THREE at once is ONE heck of TRIP!

Jerry: *smirks and scratches his head* Well. Umm.. THANK you, Superman.. for that information. *to the camera* And we’ll be RIGHT back with questions from the audience and.. the final thought. Stay tuned.

[Fade out and cut to commercial]

***

[Pan camera across the stage with Superman, Wonder Woman, Lois, Supergirl and Nightwing sitting together, Batgirl and the Flash, and Tempest and Dolphin all sitting down and then over to the audience to a VERY excited Superboy]

Jerry: And.. YES you had a comment?

Superboy: YEAH man!! *points to Superman grinning* YOU, my friend, are absolutely the COOLEST person I know—Heh *counts* FOUR people—you were—

Batman: *walks out on stage coming up behind Superman and places his hands on his shoulder* Actually.. make that FIVE.

Superboy: *blinks* MMM.. kay!

Audience: *starts applauding to That!*

Troia: *jumpin’ around and sees Steve slouched over in the chair, giggles* OOH JERRY!!??

Jerry: *walks over to her, grinning* YES??

Troia: Umm.. heh—can I rub Steve’s head!!??

Jerry: *smirks* I uh.. suppose—

Troia: *glides over not really WAITING, knows the guy’s passed out but STILL!*

Audience: *chants* Steve, Steve!!

Troia: *rubs the zonked out Steve’s head and goes back to her seat* Heh—THANKS!!

Jerry: *only nods to her, looks back to the coordinator* Aww, only ONE more??

Coordinator: Runnin’ LOW on time here—this IS only a one hour show and that LAST segment REALLY blew us out of the water.

Jerry: *nods* I understand. *looks around*

Robin: *grinning like an IDOT* OVER here!!

Jerr: *sees him and walks over* Umm.. YES young man?

Robin: *takes the mic from him* Yeah—this question is for Batgirl and FLASH??

Flash: *grins* OOO!! A FAN!?

Robin: *smirks* MAAAYBE after you answer THIS question!

Flash: *grins* Shoot!

Robin: *smirks* Now that SEEING you’re with the Fastest MAN Alive, Batgirl—*snickers Heh—HOW’S the SEX!??

Batgirl: *smiles and hugs Flash!* Wouldn’t YOU like to know??

Robin: *grins* YES—I WOULD actually LOVE to know!

Flash: Well.. ya see it’s KINDA like th—

Batgirl: *kisses him gently* Shhh…

Robin: *grrs slightly* AWW, c’mon!! it’s an HONEST answer—

Batgirl: *through the kiss* Just use yoru IMAGINATION Boy Wonder…

Robin: *thinks about THAT for a minute and grins* heh—ALRIGHT! *hands the mic back to Jerry

Jerry: *stays questionably to this the WHOLE time and starts over for his stool and sits down, into the camera* Now…all of what you’ve seen here today. More than likely has Some kind of significant meaning. WHAT that meaning is, I’m not too sure I could even ell YOU that anymore. *looks back to the group* Superheroes of America! Yes—it’s TRUE, that all of them DO have their own.. PRIVATE lives, and have actually SHARED those private annotations with the likes of the world. You may be asking WHY would these people do that, and BELIEVE me, I’m asking the SAME thing.. But.. *smiles* I’m guessing they TRUST everyone with their most intimate thoughts and feel it in the better interest to let one KNOW on their inner feelings. JUST as what you’ve seen here today *nods into the camera* Take care of yourself.. AND each other.

[Cut to Jerry Springer theme, pan across to the stage before fading out]

{END}